Netslum Gay Chat

Now I don't really know how to write this, so I'm just gonna ramble it out.

Marc was one of the first people I met in a chatroom, it was so odd for me back then. I had a strange user name and icon, everyone thought I was a girl.

They would forget I'm a guy even after I told them, not Marc though. He was a good listener, we would hang out in the room. Not doing much but shooting the breeze, I thought he was so cool being a DJ.

Gradually over time I began to make more friends, to my surprise my friends started making friends with each other, until we were a tight group. Marc was at the front of that group, I was somewhere in the back.

That's how we were for awhile, a close group of friends in a chatroom, then a bomb kind of fell. Marc became tired of the way some people were acting, the rest of us in the group agreed. So he packed up his things and created a place for us to chat in, I was the first one there to see it.

I even got to name it! Let me tell you, starting out a chat with only six people is a bit of a gruelling experience. We had a lot of ups and downs the first few weeks, some people said the place wouldn't last for even a few days.

I can't imagine the pressure Marc must of felt, he created a new place for us. A new home for everyone to go to. We wanted a safe and clean place to chat, he gave it to us.

The days seemed to pass by quickly that first year, we were having so much fun together. We had a few problems, a few not so friendly people. Still we kept strong and silly. Then came the day that Marc switched us to a new place, on a joint server with other groups.

I think everyone was lost in the place, Marc just giggled. He was good with computers and code. All that great stuff, I later found out that he was self taught.

We eventually learned how to use that new chats code, it was hilariously fun. We got our first bot to put into the chat, it was a simple program but we all managed to make hours of fun with our imaginary bot friend.

Over the course of time, some of the people from our tight group moved on with their lives. Those of us who stuck around, formed strong relationships and even love.

Soon others were added to the group, some stayed, some didn't. Marc was always at the front, making sure we had the best kind of system he could get us. He even sent me a laptop for free! When he saw how much trouble I was having with my old one. It's the laptop I'm using right now, it hasn't let me down yet.

Marc was generous, to just about everyone. Friend or foe he always did his best to help. Which is more than I can say for myself, I was and still am a bit of a firecracker. Marc would spend nights shaking his head at me, 'Cause of my temper. Somehow and someway he'd get me to calm down and think back to what I just did.

It frustrated me how he would know what to do, he was a constant big brother to everyone. He was so nice but then he could be stern at the same time.

His passing came as a big shock to me, I was in disbelief. We weren't on the best of terms earlier that week, I was going through so much at the time. When I heard those words that he passed away....I was so pissed at him....there was so much I had to say, So much I wanted him to listen to. There was so much rage that I needed his help with. More than that I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, for behaving so out of control during that time.

It wasn't the first time we had lost a friend, Marc's passing somehow brought reality to a slamming to us all though. He was our leader, he was our guide, he was our big brother, he was one of the best friends we will ever come across in this life.

I was lost, the people closest to me were lost. Marc meant so much to us, Marc did so much for us without asking for anything in return. We're all still a bit lost, slowly but surely we're finding a way to keep strong, just like how Marc wanted us to be.

I know people say there are a few stages of grief, But that is utter crap. There are no stages, no possible way of describing what you go through. No way of describing what everyone else is going through at the same time. The pain of losing a good person never goes away, I don't know how anyone can say otherwise.

While we were dealing with the passing, I was incredibly shocked...to find out how much there was about Marc that I didn't know. We were close but he never really talked to much about himself to me or anyone else really. Marc loved to help us, loved to take care of us. Marc loved to put people ahead of himself most of the time.

It makes me sad at times to think how a lot of people, myself included. Took his love and devotion for granted. He was always there for us....But rarely was anyone ever there for him, except for his one special guy, his Babee.

Now here we are, it's Marc's birthday. I don't know whether to cry and yell out over the loss of him, Or to jump for joy and celebrate this day as he would have wanted us to.

Sometimes....late at night, I'll think of him. I will think of how he touched my life, how he touched our groups lives. Then I kind of stare on in awe, trying to figure out just how many people he helped, even now he helps us from time to time.

Sometimes when I'm down or just plain livid, I think of him. I think of what he would say to me, what he would think if I acted a certain way.

I know others go through the same things and thoughts, not that they would admit it. What annoys me the most is that sometimes people believe that not talking about it, will make everything easier. It doesn't.....you can't just ignore the subject when it comes out. So I keep talking about Marc, I keep thinking about him, And I'll be damned if his passing will stop me from loving him even more, the big bro goof.

I miss Marc, I miss him a lot. I miss that chance of getting to know him more, I miss not having the chance to tease him, or laugh with him again.

Somehow I still feel that he is around me at times, I know everyone has a different opinion on what happens to us when we pass on.

But I won't deny that I feel him around me at times, he's stuck in my heart and he's gonna stay there forever. I know he's also stuck in the hearts of everyone he was close to.

We love you Marc, and we know you sure love us. I promise I'll try to work on my anger and do something with my life. You always reminded me that it's never to late to follow after your dreams.....I'll get there, one day.

So happy birthday Marc, my favorite DJ, my favorite mentor, and my favorite Leo lion. Roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!! xoxoxoxo We love you so much, And we miss you so much.